21st Century Piracy11:58 AM
In my humble opinion, piracy has lost its glamor. In the days of old, pirates were (or at least portrayed as) swashbuckling, cutlass-wielding daredevils. Today, they're a raggedy bunch of Somali hoodlums who ride around in speedboats and take hostages. Obviously, it's a different time; wielding a cutlass won't do you any good on today's waters, what with advances in weaponry. At the same time, guns don't create too much positive media coverage. What's a pirate to do? I have some tips for the Somali pirates' PR division:
1. Get way cooler clothes. Think bright colors, sashes, and maybe plumed hats.
2. Evoke images of the olden days by purchasing a few sturdy parrots. If you teach them well enough, they may be able to conduct your hostage negotiations for you.
3. I know that there really is not much of a government in Somalia, but get someone in a position of authority to give you some papers making you a privateer, a pirate who is commissioned by a government to fight or harass enemy/foreign ships. This does two things--makes you feel less guilty about stealing cargo because you have someone important behind you, and just may give you some measure of legal protection.
4. Publicize yourself as 21st Century Robin Hoods, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. Generally, all you have to do is steal cargo from ships and spend money in your area. And from what I've heard, you're doing that already.
5. Think of a motto/slogan/logo, like "Giving New Hope to Disenfranchised Somali Fishermen," "Give Us Your Cargo or Give Us 1 Million Dollars," or "Spreading the Wealth Through Economic Recycling on the High Seas."