Michael (clown)
Urkel (brown rabbit)
Peter Rabbit
Phil (bat)
Setting: in a candy shop (Goody-Goody Gumshop)
Plot: candy fight
Urkel Fickelstein, a distinguished gray rabbit, somewhat in his elderly years, was putting chocolate-dipped carrots on the shelves at the Goody-Goody Gumshop when three loudly bickering animals walked in.
“May I help you, sirs?” he asked politely, although he could not help but wrinkle up his nose at one rabbit’s outlandish attire. Urkel hated the Packers, and the colors the other rabbit wore clashed with his own loyalties to the Vikings and the Jets.
“Yes--get us two chocolate-dipped carrots, forty-eight Gumblestein Gumdrops, eighteen hay-wafers, and one gigantic Hershey’s Kiss.”
“Yes--they’ll be right with you,” Urkel said, bowing and retreating to the back room, where he kept his bulk supplies.
“Whatever could they need such a humongous amount of candy for?” he wondered out loud.
“We’ll need it, believe me,” Michael, a clown, snarled. Urkel jumped. He hadn’t realized that the clown was there.
“Here are the gumdrops,” he said, handing a huge sack to the clown.
“Hurry up with it, mister!” the clown snapped as he ran back to his friends.
Urkel started stacking up hay wafers in plastic wrap, but he was startled by the sound of breaking glass. He dashed out to investigate, and was shocked to find Willy Wonka bars littered all over the shop floor and his stain-glass window broken by a barrel of liquid sugar. In the midst of it all, the rabbit, clown, and bat were hurling huge gumdrops at each other while bellowing expletives. Urkel covered his ears. He hated foulmouthed customers.
“You! I’ll get you!” the bat shouted, and dropped a gumdrop right on top of Urkel’s head. The old rabbit winced.
“Stop it, you ruffians, or I’ll call the police on you! You owe me one hundred dollars, plus one trillion dollars for the damage to the shop!” Urkel roared with all his might. Roaring did not come naturally to rabbits, but he did it like a lion. Everyone froze in place and then started running like crazy (the bat flying.) Urkel suddenly thought of an idea. He filled a spray gun he had in his back room with extra-sticky liquid sugar, honey, and chocolate liquid as well as some partially melted gum, then ran after the fleeing animals. He aimed at the bat and sprayed straight and true right at the bat’s wings. Clogged by the heavy, sticky liquid, the bat sagged and finally descended onto the ground, struggling wildly.
“Wait there, hoodlum!” Urkel bellowed as he ran after the others. As the rabbit hopped away, Urkel sprayed some right below Peter Rabbit’s feet, so that when he came down, he stuck to the pavement.
Finally, he aimed at the clown. “Hmm,” he thought, and came up with an idea. He shot the most gummy part of his spray right at the clown’s hat, then, coming in closer, dragged the hat down and looped it around the clown’s feet so that he was stuck in a comedic--and very uncomfortable position.
Urkel heard footsteps behind him and turned to see a large pink pig. It was the sheriff. “What seems to be the trouble here, Mr. Finkelstein?” the sheriff, a lumbering pig, asked gruffly.
“These bunch of hoodlums stole candy from me and broke glass in my store,” Urkel said indignantly.
“Right. We’ll have them pay a fine of one trillion dollars,” the sheriff said and pulled out a spray gun of his own.
“What’s in there?” Urkel inquired.
“Goody-goody gumdrops,” the sheriff responded with a smile.
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Moral A: Never get in candy fights.
Moral B: Never steal candy.
Moral C: Never vandalize candyshops.
Moral D: If you commit the above crimes, pay the fine.
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